Sunday (4/12/2015)
It is Sunday morning.
We are in Kigali, Rwanda and will leave for Congo in two hours. It is my sixth trip. I am always surprised by something. This year, it is how emotionally easy this
trip is. It is 20 hours of flying, 5
hours of layovers, 3 hours of driving and a 7 hour time difference. But, emotionally, it feels like I am simply
leaving one room of my house and stepping into another.
The natural, even if crazy question, we get each year is
“are you ready?” Restoration is a place
where God makes new what is seemingly irreparably broken. Reconciliation is a “new space” where we will
leave who we are individually and find who we are together. Those words will beckon that my story and
your story become our story and find our way into His story. It is exquisite. It is terrifying. It is holy.
And, you can’t be ready for any of it.
All you can do is remain vulnerable…which is quite the opposite from
being ready. In John 5:6, Jesus did not
ask the man if he was ready. He asked him,
“Do you want to get well?”
Before I departed, a friend seeing some gifts of art I was
bringing to Congo friends said, “You’d better leave your man card at home”. The question of why a man goes to a woman’s
trauma conference lingers in the air to the casual observer. And, then the art and cards and even an
occasional stuffed animal adds to the weight of the question. But, why I go is not the question. Instead, how can I help? In a country where people have been
traumatized by war for two decades and the women we will meet have unspeakable
physical, emotional and sexual trauma, I am compelled to ask, “How can I help?” If I have to trade in my man card to ask such
a question, let it be. While you are at
it, take my Gen-Y, white, American, republican, upper-class cards. I have very little use for them either.
We got to the border and met our ALARM friends who are also
family. It is hard to describe those
relationships; suffice they are meaningful in ways I don’t fully understand.
Monday (4/13/2015)
Today, we split up and went to the two conferences. Katherine, Denise, and Dena went to
WLTI. Kara, Lauren, Dieula, Penny and I
went to Trauma. Logistically, the day
went well and there are no material adjustments to make. It was great to see Esperance (translator)
who I have seen on every trip. We had
105 at the Trauma conference. I taught
on Servant Leadership and got to talk about two of my favorite people, Deitrich
Bonhoeffer and Mother Teresa. The
softness of their eyes strikes me every time.
They are a people that weep deeply as well as laugh and dance with utter
freedom. We could learn a lot from them.
Tuesday (4/14/2015)
Today, I went to the Trauma conference again. The most memorable event was when a
conference participant, Solange, stood up and shared that she had been
separated from her family and fled from Beni to Goma three months ago. Just yesterday she received a call informing
her that 15 members of her family had been captured in the conflict and dragged
into the bush. Even before it was
translated, her eyes and her shoulders revealed her heart. Three of us went to her, laid hands on her
and prayed. Maybe more important than
the prayer was us standing beside her in the only way we could. I wanted more for her than I had to give.
Wednesday (4/15/2015)
Today, I went to the Women’s Leadership Training Institute
Conference. I presented a devotional on
1 Corinthians 12 and how we are many members in one body and how we belong to
one another and our tribes need to be unified.
Paul referenced Jews /Gentiles and Slaves/Free. Among our tribes are social class, political
affiliation, race, gender, generation, etc.
The scriptures assert a reoccurring theme that for the sake of the
gospel… we must make space for those who do not appear like us. It is not the sacrifice it appears as we
become more human. We must be
intentional about inviting others in. After
that I shared my story of suffering and taught the theology of it. Both challenge me.
Thursday (4/16/2015)
Today, I was back at the Trauma conference. I taught a theology of lamenting and a
theology of suffering. I wonder if I
project a bit. Men have so much
difficulty lamenting in America. The
fruit is anger that covers unaddressed fear, sadness, and pain. I think that African women lament more freely
than American women…and certainly more than American men. It is unfortunate they have such occasion to
lament at all, but a blessing that they know how to. It is ironic that knowing how to lament
communally is a step toward reducing the need to lament at all. This is another area where they have something
to teach.
Friday (4/17/2015)
Today, the trauma conference came to an end. It is just magical how they sense pride in
the work they have done and decide it is time to celebrate what lies before
them. We join them in that space and
stand together and commit to the unthinkable for them…forgiveness, hope,
community, vulnerability, and trust.
They will likely dance, smile, laugh and demonstrate their resilient
spirit that is so rarely seen anywhere else.
It is a portrait of redemption and courage and beauty. It is a privilege to witness and to stand
with them. After the conference we went
to the ALARM offices and took pictures and shared affections with our ALARM
family. Tomorrow we go home.
Saturday (4/18/2015)
We crossed the border and said goodbye to our ALARM
friends. We prepared for going
home. The pre-trip question of “are you
ready?” will be replaced with the post trip question of “how was your
trip?”. I don’t know the answer to
either. I can explain the logistics easy
enough. But, the more complicated
questions of “how they impact me?”, “how we impact them?”, “how we are better off knowing one another?”, and “what next?”…stand like elephants in the
room who assert their intention of reaping havoc on our world view and
sensibilities.
Back home
On the team…they did great. They consistently showed up for those they would meet. Each used their individual giftedness and testimony to how God has worked in their life. They shared meals, and tears, and stories. The connection between America and Africa grows stronger each year. What a beautiful thing. Bwana Asifiwe (Praise the Lord)!
On the team…they did great. They consistently showed up for those they would meet. Each used their individual giftedness and testimony to how God has worked in their life. They shared meals, and tears, and stories. The connection between America and Africa grows stronger each year. What a beautiful thing. Bwana Asifiwe (Praise the Lord)!
On joy…a team member noted to our ALARM family that they
seem so happy. Their reply was, “it is
joy, not happiness”. This is a mild
distinction for some, but the North and the South Pole to others. C.S. Lewis coins joy as the coexistence of
the ‘having’ and the ‘wanting’. One can
have joy even while wanting relief from anguish, loss, and brokenness. It is absolutely profound and we know and
speak so little of it.
On family…mine is expanding at a rate that I can not keep
track of. It is terrifying and healing
at the same time. There are some giants coming
deeper into my life that teach me more than I knew I had to learn. My affection, gratitude and respect for them
grow with each day. And, they teach me
of joy…which for me right now entails letting questions linger as well as a
longing that is deepening and showing no interest in soon going away.